A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Randomize