not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
