Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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