Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
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