Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
