who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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