Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
