I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Randomize
