dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
