just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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