shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
