Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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