when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
