I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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