textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
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