well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
