just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
