i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
