Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
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