im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
