I'm drive I can fine osifer
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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