Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
