bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize