She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
