there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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