i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
