if i can run in heels then i can drive
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
We need to rekindle our bromance
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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