I feel like I'm in dance class right now
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
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