I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Pappa wants mamma naked
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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