when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
