I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Alive.
So much puke
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
