You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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