He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
