If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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