Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
