yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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