Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
