my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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