Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
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