At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
