Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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