plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
