i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
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