I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
