Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
