Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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