I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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