first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
