she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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