If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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