I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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