To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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