Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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