she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
