I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
you win again, gameday.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Randomize
