Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
