There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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