you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
