Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize