I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Randomize
