well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
