it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
