I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
it's great music for shaving your balls
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
