just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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