Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize