While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
