God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
