Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
