How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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