Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
