she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
