That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
