today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize