he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
