This dress was meant to end up on your floor
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize