You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I think we might need a safe word for this...
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
