you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
