If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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