I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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