Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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