I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize