I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
