mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
