Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
