His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize