There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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