I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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