I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
