you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Randomize