We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
