There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
