Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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