I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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