i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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