Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
