You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
