ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
