im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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