Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
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