i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
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the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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