i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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