Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
