we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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