It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
what day is it and did you see me today?
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
