Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I just threw up on my dentist
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
