I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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