My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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